Generation Y (the fuck do I have to do everything for you?)

 

I truly believe that we did generation Y absolutely no favors by telling them they are so special and they can not lose and they can have whatever they want….

I have never seen a group of individuals with such a sence of entitlement in all my life!

I have 25 year olds mommies calling in sick for them because poor little 25-year-old Johnny is just too sick to come to the phone right now.

They also feel that the job they currently hold is their RIGHT, not a privilege, and they will work whatever hours they want!  Fuck your business needs!

I have one employee who (no shit) came into my office yelling at me, because I didn’t give this individual a performance bonus.  This individual knows/knew what the criteria for getting said bonus is and that the criteria was not met.  But EXPECTED I would write the check anyway.  Sorry sweet-cheeks but some things in life need to be earned!  Not everyone is going to hand you everything you want.

Good lord, I have another 30 years to work with these people!  I think business hours are about to go right out the door and we will have to call the car dealerships employees in advance and arrange an appointment that best suits the employee’s personal schedule!

FML

Rairly

This rairly happens to me.

Really.  Rairly

Despite the female hormones pulsing through my system that should have me blubbering through every chick flick out there, I rairly find a movie touching or emotional.  I actually laughed through the ending of the Titanic.  I looked around the theatre and saw not one dry set of female eyes in the audience and I could only reflect on the horrible graphics of the people falling from the boat.  Not to mention my outrage at Rose for not moving over on the huge door she was sprawled out on so Jack could live too.  That my friends is not love!  That is a one trip stand!

Perhaps the reason that most romantic/tragic movies don’t move me is because I don’t relate to the characters.  I don’t know the intensity of a love affair between a man and a woman.  So when their relationships end (for whatever reason) my emotional response reflects the emotional response I had as a young girl dating boys in highschool.  *Oh well…. Next.

Having said that I am not a heartless bitch.  Well not always.  Today I saw Lost and delirious (again) now this movie moves me.  To tears in a number of places.  Piper Parabo plays Paulie who is intensely in love with tori her boarding school room-mate and when Tori is caught with Paulie she runs screaming back into the closet, denying the love of her life.  Paulie who’s heart shatters into a million pieces by this loss was played brilliantly by Piper Parabo.  the love and loss is so intense and so moving I don’t have words to describe the heartbreak I experience on Paulie’s behalf just watching the script unfold.  The sence of loss and helplessness is overwhelming.

In my opinion Piper Parabo should have won every award possible for this performance!  She pulled it off expertly!

http://youtu.be/Y2cGX8Safy8

How to get what you want, but not have to work for it?

Everyday that passes it becomes more and more clear that I have to continue working for a living.

Damit!

Still in my early 30’s and I have spent the last 16 trying to figure out how people afford the million dollar houses in my neighbourhood but never seem to have to leave the house and go to work?

I’ll explain a typical work week for you and you tell me what is wrong here.  I get up at 6am out the door no later then 7.  I arrive at work between 7 and 7:30am to a list of people who couldn’t be bothered coming into work today.  This means rather than doing my job I have to do their jobs.  So I get busy covering their responsibilities and watch mine pile up on my desk.  3:30pm is quitting time!  But wait, where are the other 3 people who come in to relieve the day crew at 3:30?  Oh ya they are all Gen Y, they will show up when it is good for them, fuck your job and responsibilities, “my mommy told me I can do anything and you better be happy I show up at all”. 

The place goes fucking nuts for an hour because there are 2 where there should be 6!  I’m stuck here can’t let my team down. 

Finally all my gen y’s show up and start working and I can leave for the day.  NO WAIT… my boss would like an impromptu meeting about how I can avoid this situation in the future.  Hire only Generation X?  The generation with a work ethic?  I cant do that all the talent is in Gen Y, they will just make you wait for it and god forbid there is a party! 

I finally make it home somewhere between 6:30pm and 10pm exhausted and listing off the things I have to do around the house before I can fall into bed and do it all again tomorrow. 

What amazes me is that after all the hours I work and still can not afford a house in this city.  How when I walk/drive around my neighbourhood and look at the million+ dollar homes, the people who own them always seem to be home, any time of day?  They are out mowing the lawn tending to the flowers etc…

So my question is…..

How do I stop working, but get a nice house in a great neighbourhood and a few nice cars in the driveway?  I would really like to know.  I’m ready to retire but I want to retire with what all my neighbours have.

What does it look like I’m Doing?!

If you haven’t figured out by now I am continuously impressed with peoples complete idiocy.  In this instance i don’t know if it is that people are impressed by big cameras and want an excuse to stop and talk to you or if people are really this thick.

I pack up all my camera gear (I LOVE photography and have done some professional work) and head out to the Canadian Wilderness with the goal of photographing star trails (If mother nature will co-operate).

On arrival at our camp site we set up our tent and all the gear we seem to think necessary for 2 days in the wilderness.  Gear which we have spent a small fortune on but rairly actually use.  As it turns out 2 days survival in the wilderness with stores and people all around you does not require much gear.  Anywho, we get all set up and I wait patiently for night to fall.  The whole time praying that mother nature will allow my photographic ambition to unfold.  Please no clouds, Please no clouds!

When the sun goes down I look up to the sky and do my happy dance because mother nature is FINALLY going to allow me to get this shot!  The photo will take upwards of two hours to capture and I am looking forward to it.

So I grab my camera gear and head down to the lake.  I want to get the stars trailing over the lake and I am hoping that I can also catch the trails in the reflection of the water.

Back to my story.

I put my camera on the tripod and focus it right out, I attach my remote shutter and adjust all the settings to the correct positions and I am looking through the viewfinder when this woman appears out of nowhere and scares the bijezus right out of me.  Doesn’t she know there are bears in this bitch and you should never sneak up on another camper in the dark?  If I had had a gun I would have shot her right in the face.

Bear Woman – “Ummmm what are you doing?”

I am trying to recover from my heart attack of course! 

Me- I’m sorry?

What does it look like I am doing? Obviously I am preparing a 5 course meal

Bear woman – No I mean with your camera?

*long pause as I ponder her question… Is she really pointing at my camera on a tripod and asking what I am doing?  Isn’t it obvious I am taking pictures?

Me – I am taking pictures?

Bear woman – Of what?  Its DARK out!

Ahhhh. I see, we get to the point of all this.

Me:  I am taking pictures of the stars.

Bear woman:  OOOHHH… can I see?

Well I was setting up when you came and scared the mother fucking shit out of me… What would you like to see the wet spot on my pants?

Me:  I haven’t taken any yet.  This will take a few hours to capture, if you want to come by (with bells around your neck so I hear you coming) in about two hours I will let you see.

Bear woman:  TWO HOURS?….

And so starts the photography lesson!  It happens all the time.  Inevitably the person who I give the ad-lib photography lesson to then offends me by saying “that’s a nice camera, I bet it takes great pictures!  I should get one”  Actually Hun, I take good pictures the camera is just a tool, and If you don’t learn how to use it you might as well save the money and continue to use your camera phone!

This happens to me almost every time I take out my camera in any public place.  During professional photo shoots that people are paying for I have to try to politely refuse the ad-lib photography lessons.

The moral of the story?  Never sneak up on a bitch in the woods.  You might get shot!

phone call driving

I am all for safe driving!

After loosing a good friend in a car crash I can’t help but be sensitive when it comes to road safety.  But the evolution of humanity and their need to always be in touch amuses me, so I will share my thoughts.

10 years ago you were hot shit if you had a “Car phone”  I mean HOT SHIT!  It meant you were important and the world needed you to be in comunicato at all times!  If you have never seen a car phone well let me draw you a picture.  These things were huge.  Like your grandmas wall phone.  They were attached to the console of your car, had a keypad on the base and a handset on a cord.  Try driving and dialing this beast!

The only reason there were not more accidents involving the use of car phones is because you had to be HOT SHIT to afford one, so not many people had the privilege.

Now fast forward 10 years and EVERYONE has a cell phone, and if you don’t WTF?  Get with it, home phones are a thing of the past.  Don’t you know that your friends and family need to be able to reach you even if you are at the grocery store?  Have some common courtesy!  Not to mention how important it is to update twitter on the freshness of the lemons at Lawblaws!

So back to my point.  Everyone has a cell phone.  We feel obligated to answer when it rings or respond when a text comes in.  As a result people are distracted by their phones when they are driving.  Lets face it your loved ones are not exactly patient either.  They will call back or text 300 times if you don’t answer, you must be dead in a ditch somewhere if they get voice mail or their text goes unanswered for 30 seconds!

My lovely GF texted me once while I was driving 10 times asking for me to pick up some fries on my way home:

“Hunny can you pick up fries on your way home?”

Fries?

Can you get me fries?

I really would like some fries

baby why aren’t you answering me?  I want fries!

Well are you going to get some fries?

Large Fries

Hello? Fries?!

Are you okay?

I’m not answering beause I am driving “on my way home” and YES FUCK FRIES!  God I love her.  So I walk in the door with said fries and throw them at her.. She says why didn’t you answer me? all I wanted was Fries… Oh lord.

Baby girl come here, give me a hug… I love you but I can’t answer your texts while I’m driving and If you do that again I might go postal.  Forewarning!

Where was I?

Oh ya so texting and talking on a cell while driving.  Its dangerous because everyone is doing it!  No one is paying attention to the road.   So pay attention.

Having said that If I want to text at a stop light get over it!  I’m not moving, the worst that will happen is someone will get pissed cause I don’t go at the exact moment the light changes to green!

Twitter rules

I recently joined Twitter, just one more thing to occupy time I don’t have to spare.  I have to be honest and say that to me, so far, twitter seems like a self indulgent, narcissistic forum where lonely people go to make themselves feel important.  Great place for me because you know I am AWESOME!

Anywho.  Last night I was reading through the COUNTLESS tweets, all of which seem to be just nonsense.  Really humanities garbage can of pointless thoughts.  But sometimes its fun to read through other peoples garbage.

I came across a tweet from a so called comedian.  Simply put she pointed out the overuse of a common quotation.  I giggled a little and decided to retweet with a comment of my own.  WELL… Who knew that there are laws to how exactly you do this?

She did and was QUICK to point out my error and call me uncool.  LOL..

Just so you all know, I do not take social media that seriously!  I just don’t care what some random stranger thinks.  It amuses me that people get their panties all in a bunch over stupid shit on the Internet.  Just means you don’t have a life, get over yourself and enjoy the day!

For those of you that do care here is the rule.  I will show you what I did and what I should have apparently done.

My “error”

RT @whoever “random overused quote”(cut off here because it exceeded 140 characters) because it deserves one more go.

The correct way that will avoid said panties in a bunch

Because it deserves another go RT @whoever “random over used quote”..

See what I did `Wrong”?

No, me neither…lol  But this move got me blocked by a few people and ridiculed.  I’m still laughing at how pathetic this all is..

Or maybe I was blocked for my following tweet about not being as cool as the lonely people drinking alone in front of their computer and crying about retweets?

Either way it is funny.

MMMMmmmm….. Chicken!

I saw this image today…

… and I coulnd’t help but reminisce on the brilliant plot of Babe.  Not Pig in the City, Pig in the slums or Pig in the Olympics.  But the original Babe.  Ferdinand didn’t want to end up roasted, broiled or sandwiched either and spent all his time coming up with ways to make himself useful so he wouldn’t end up on the dinner table.

Suggestion.  Don’t be so damn tasty!

Your time is up Ducky!

Although Ferdinand did make a rather good rooster, he still looked quite yummy (Who am I kidding?  I’ve never eaten duck…. Unless… they are found amongst all the other mystery meats found at McDonalds?

There is only one flaw in Ferdinand’s plan.  Human’s have been very useful.  We managed to almost completely destroy most of nature.  We have been productive in cutting down the trees to put up parking lots.  And yet somehow we are now on the humans food chain as well.

Although a homeless mans face looks appetising.  I might suggest skipping the face and taking the trip right downtown.  If your going to get naked to do it anyway you might as well get some directions first and make the meal productive.  Then everyone goes home happy!  The face might even end up with a smile on it!  Oh and you may want to ask permission first!  People don’t appreciate being made a meal of unless they willingly agree first.

Anyway Ferdinand and little cute delicious looking chick… the oven is warming… and well, neither of you are capable of smiling!

Where does the water go?

I have a 16 gallon fish tank in my living room.  It is a beautiful trophy shaped tank that currently houses 5 mystery fish.  I swear I knew what kind of fish they were when I bought them.  I even wrote it down on the form needed to obtain said fish from the store.  Now I have not a clue what type of fish they are… but they are troopers!  Somehow they manage to live through week long vacations where I forget to put week long food supplies in the tank.  The heater that is to make sure they remain at a comfortable tempurature’s light is on but no one is home.

To make matters worse somehow the tank drinks water.  It reminds me of watching the water cooler at work slowly dwindle until there is nothing left.  I am not sure where the water is going?  There is no leak in the tank?  I stopped using the fish water for my evening tea.  I even removed the convenient drinking straw that ensured plenty of hydration from one side of the living room sofa.  Still the water falls about a gallon every day or so.

It reminds me of the one tire on my supreme hunk of crap car.  The one that I cuss out everytime I am running late for work that decides this is the best day to leak out all the air.  The reason I have had the tires resealed 4 times and finally broke down and bought a portable pump.  (I’ll be damned if I am paying the gas station $1 for AIR)

My house isn’t particularly dry, I have yet to fantasize about a mirage of a cola machine appearing in the distance while in my home… Wait I take that back.  But the fantasy isn’t borne of my slow dehydration due to the air in my home sucking me dry of vital fluids, its just…..mmm pop….

My point is how is it possible that gallons of fluid are disappearing from the fish tank at an alarming rate?!

I think I will set up a nanny cam and catch the fucker who drinking my fish’ precious water.  And when I do…..

…Maybe I will remember to put down a bowl of water for him in the morning…

Another Really?! Moment… Wow

Gays and Lesbians have been fielding the world of Stupid questions for all of time.  The fact that this one question “The Question” still arises.  If you are Gay or a Lesbian you KNOW what question I am talking about.

Who is the “Man”?  Well that wasn’t really the question, the question came out in the following conversation…

Fucktard: “My cousin got married last weekend”

Me: “Fabulous”

Fucktard: “She was the groom”

Me: “What?”

Fucktard: “Are you going to be the groom?”

Me: “What?”

Fucktard: “Her wife wore a beautiful gown, I saw the pictures”

*In my head.. “no wonder you were not invited”

(Confused Lab head cock)

Me: “I don’t intend to anyone’s Groom, if your asking if I will be wearing pants… Yes”

Fuctard: “You know what else is amazing?”

*In my head… “that you have more to say on this topic?”

Me: “What?”

Fucktard: “She (cousin) is a twin too!”

Fucking Really?!

I am No Man, my future wife is also No Man.  If you want to know who changes the lighbulbs or programs the VCR (I know aging myself here) that would be me.  But I do it in a push up bra. So there you have it!

A Really?! moment

I often find myself looking confused, like a lab with a cocked head that seems to be saying are you fucking for real?  People ask the stupidest questions.  Normally I would say there are no stupid questions but really when you come across a stupid question it is REALLY stupid!

Todays Stupid question of the day… well I guess I will have to first give some background so you can understand just how stupid of a question this really was.

I believe that all workplaces “spruce up”,”fudge” or otherwise work to deceive important visitors.  The goal?  To create an illusion of functionality, designed to impress said visitor(s).  This is currently going on in my office.  The walls are a prison grey with no windows, torn, dirty carpets and a recently cured infestation of bed bugs.  It is time to “Spruce up” the office and it just so happens that there is a HUGE potential business growth opportunity in the form of a visitor scheduled to arrive Tuesday morning.

Like a good employee and general kiss ass, I spent my 3 day weekend painting beautiful pictures for the walls to give the illusion of space, air and color.  The company is splurging on paint for the walls, the very same prison grey currently available for our viewing pleasure.  Ohhh and a deep blue “accent wall” so stylish!

Today I take a trip into the office (on my day off) to deliver the above mentioned paintings and one of my staff asked…

And I am not kidding… I quote… “After the visit on Tuesday can we please paint the walls a nicer color?”

Now don’t get me wrong… I too would love to walk into a bright cheery office everyday.  I would love to feel like I am sitting next to a babbling stream on a warm sunny day.  The nice prison grey on the walls is however successful in making me feel like i am doing my time each day.  The company doesn’t waste money… They are NOT going to put a fresh new coat of prison grey on the walls today and then come back Wednesday after the visit they just “spruced Up” for and repaint the walls in a nice bright airy color because you can’t possibly let an important visitor think you work in a pleasant environment!

Trying desperately not to say “you stupid fucktard, do you really think the company is going to spring twice in one week for paint and pay painters twice, cause a nice sunshine yellow would be swell?”  Instead I said, (in my most professional tone) It would be lovely to have some brighter colors in here, however the company would like to remain true to their “business colors” and in these difficult financial times it would not be advisable to do the same job twice.”  FUCK!!

That is like asking your mom as she turns off the stove and plates your dinner to cook something else because it would be nice to have Taco’s tonight rather than Roast Beast.  Please don’t make me smack you on my day off…