I often find myself looking confused, like a lab with a cocked head that seems to be saying are you fucking for real? People ask the stupidest questions. Normally I would say there are no stupid questions but really when you come across a stupid question it is REALLY stupid!
Todays Stupid question of the day… well I guess I will have to first give some background so you can understand just how stupid of a question this really was.
I believe that all workplaces “spruce up”,”fudge” or otherwise work to deceive important visitors. The goal? To create an illusion of functionality, designed to impress said visitor(s). This is currently going on in my office. The walls are a prison grey with no windows, torn, dirty carpets and a recently cured infestation of bed bugs. It is time to “Spruce up” the office and it just so happens that there is a HUGE potential business growth opportunity in the form of a visitor scheduled to arrive Tuesday morning.
Like a good employee and general kiss ass, I spent my 3 day weekend painting beautiful pictures for the walls to give the illusion of space, air and color. The company is splurging on paint for the walls, the very same prison grey currently available for our viewing pleasure. Ohhh and a deep blue “accent wall” so stylish!
Today I take a trip into the office (on my day off) to deliver the above mentioned paintings and one of my staff asked…
And I am not kidding… I quote… “After the visit on Tuesday can we please paint the walls a nicer color?”
Now don’t get me wrong… I too would love to walk into a bright cheery office everyday. I would love to feel like I am sitting next to a babbling stream on a warm sunny day. The nice prison grey on the walls is however successful in making me feel like i am doing my time each day. The company doesn’t waste money… They are NOT going to put a fresh new coat of prison grey on the walls today and then come back Wednesday after the visit they just “spruced Up” for and repaint the walls in a nice bright airy color because you can’t possibly let an important visitor think you work in a pleasant environment!
Trying desperately not to say “you stupid fucktard, do you really think the company is going to spring twice in one week for paint and pay painters twice, cause a nice sunshine yellow would be swell?” Instead I said, (in my most professional tone) It would be lovely to have some brighter colors in here, however the company would like to remain true to their “business colors” and in these difficult financial times it would not be advisable to do the same job twice.” FUCK!!
That is like asking your mom as she turns off the stove and plates your dinner to cook something else because it would be nice to have Taco’s tonight rather than Roast Beast. Please don’t make me smack you on my day off…